Warning: I'm (prolly) Not Listening

I should listen to Husband.  So he doesn’t sound like a jackass at work.

Husband is Canadian.  I feel for him sometimes when I get into lengthy political conversations around him because I know that unless he quits his job and locks himself in a think-tank with 947 books on American history and political science, he’s at a bit of a disadvantage to have a good tête-à-tête.

Not to say his social opinions and arguments on current events aren’t 100% sound, but as for which American president was in office when the Bolsheviks got on their feet… meh, not so much.

Anywho… I don’t always listen to Husband.  Not because I think he’s uninteresting or unintelligent but because he has terrible timing.  His favorite time to try to engage me in conversation is when I’m cooking supper.  When I’ve been home from work maybe 15 minutes, have three pans all doing something different on the stove, I’ve got one eye on the broiler, I’m trying to set the table and the Onions are telling me about their day. All at one time.

This was the scenario when Husband asked me which office Ted Kennedy had held.  All I heard was Kennedy and I said that he was the president (cheese and rice, how could you not know that?).

Husband:  Are you sure?

Me:  Here (thrusting a handful of silverware in his hands), set the table. The kids get the little forks and I know they can eat with the big forks but I don’t want to eat with a little fork so for the love of God could you just do it like I asked.  What? Yes, he was the president.

Husband: Ted Kennedy was president? (what I heard: I have to bring a box of rocks to school tomorrow what’s for dessert can you wipe my butt when I’m finished president)

Me: Yes I’m sure. Brutus, trade forks with me, please.

The next night Husband comes home from work and wants to have another chat.

Husband:  So, Ted Kennedy was a (expletive) present, ey?

Me [sighing patronizingly]: No, no, no, no… John Kennedy was president. Ted Kennedy was a senator.

Husband:  (Expletive expletive), Mandy.  Why the (expletive) would you let me (expletive) go to work and (expletive) sound like a (expletive expletive expletive)? I (expletive) asked you SPECIFIALLY about it because the (expletive) guys were arguing about XYZ and I (expletive) walk up in there like the (expletive expletive) expert and say that (expletive expletive) Ted Kennedy was a (expletive expletive expletive) president because YOU (expletive expletive) told me he was three (expletive) times.

What I learned from this?  I need to do a better job helping Husband understand when I'm not listening.